Monday, February 27, 2012

An apology u deserve...

This comes for the girl i love.. An apology you deserve.. For the pain i deserve..

my love is pure
and so are my feelings..
i am sorry 
and i will never do
because i love you
i will never hurt you.
i asked for a smile
and I met you.
i asked for love
and I got you.
I know its a mistake
but my love is strong,
and it cant be more true.
your smile is my way,
your love is my life,
my heart rests with you
and that is what i like.
it for you to chose,
between a thousand smiles 
or a few words,
i mean those smiles 
but never those words.
i can't say sorry
for you deserve more.
i can't say 'i love you'
for you know its true.
i have never loved more,
i have never surrendered more,
my love for you is a prayer
and i can't worship it more.
words is all i have
to tell you what i feel
time is what i am short of
to tell you how much u mean
i know i deserve the pain
i know i deserve the anger
but your silence kills me more
and the distance is a murderer.
life is too short
for me to feel the pain
even if it takes my blood
i will shed it without vain.
you deserve the love,
you deserve the care,
i am sorry for causing
every single minute of pain.
i want the world to know
the tale of my love
i want the world to know
the story of its vain.
i will still be standing
next to you when u want
i will still be breathing
for you when you ask.
your smile is the elixir
i will be living for
your love is the breathe
i will be breathing for.

P.S.:- "I love you... I am sorry"

Friday, January 27, 2012

Reason for my words..

I write these words,
 for u to smile,
For me to think,
Love is alive.

I write these words,
For world to know,
I love ur eyes,
From the time I saw.

I write these words,
For u to perceive,
Words are all I have,
To show what I feel.

I write these words,
For when I hug u,
Life shouts loud,
“Pyaar mein hai pagle tu”

I write these words,
While I waited,
It didn’t felt long,
Coz it was for you.

I write these words,
Coz he was there,
I was torn,
But still stayed.

I write these words,
From the fathom of my feelings,
That I stood there,
Just....For a smile on your face.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I don't know why...

For she was there,
and i could feel,
she looked at him,
and i couldn't sleep.

Her fragrance filled,
the air around me,
her beauty mesmerized,
the dreams that I see.

Her love was true,
but it wasn't for me,
my eyes were glued,
for she was a 'Pari'.

I waited for that day,
when she would come,
and with a smile say,
you are the one.

Her hugs felt warmth,
Her kiss gave life,
but still after that,
i don't know why... i couldn't sleep tight.

Friday, December 16, 2011

The Painful Partition

Everybody must have read about India - Pakistan partition in 1947. It was one of the most painful events in our history. But just to make it clear it was equally painful for the people across the border. Now this post is not gonna be a history revision. It will be based on my discussions with one of the best people I met in EM LYON, and yes they are from Pakistan.

So it all started in second or third of September. I entered my lecture theater, after almost 2 years. You know how it feels to enter a classroom with a pen and register in your hand like a student after almost 2 years of finishing up with your graduation. So coming back to the topic I like always spotted a few Indians and chose the last row to sit. Soon after the class started, while I was busy on facebook, irrespective of it being a Macroeconomics class, I  saw two guys who looked Indian constantly raising hands for doubts. Seemed pretty nerds to me in the first impression. I ignored thinking I am not a nerd so why care. Probably that was the  mistake I did which i realized last night. 

After almost 2 or 3 weeks I decide to at least see and greet them, thinking what if they might be from somewhere close in Indian. And when I went and asked "Hi, this is Anuj, you from India?", to my utter surprise they replied "Hi, Zeeshan here, I am from Pakistan". All my former judgments immediately got erased from my mind. For they came from a country with which we have a had very sensitive relationship. Weeks came and went those "Hi's and byes " turned frequent and started to find these people really interesting. 

Fast forwarding 2 months from then, when i invited them for my birthday, to my surprise they were there to share the joy, like we do it with our family in India. That's where the actual bonding started for me. Come on, you know how important my birthday is for me. Now just one night, before they were about to leave, which is today, they invited us for one last dinner (in EM LYON). What was supposed to be a quick meet for us with them turned into my life's most amazing discussions I could ever have!

The topic actually started by me raising a question "How does Pakistanis feel when there is an India - Pakistan cricket match?". And I was expecting an answer like "We go crazy and all". But to my surprise except for the world cup there is no such rival feeling in them as quite a lot of us possess in India. For us cricket is life, but why bring political differences into a game. From there on when we started sharing our experiences of day to day life, life seemed no different on that side of the border. Its the same people who think like we do, live like we do, then why the difference?

I know it might seem a non patriotic post for a lot of people, but its my space so I really don't give a damn to what you think. Coming back to the topic of discussion, we actually realized how people in Pakistan are craving for peace as we are. By the end of discussion, which lasted almost over 2 hours, we realized how much love and affection everyone around is filled with. The only thing that is making things worse is media and the corrupt politicians. 

The media has to show something interesting to gain viewership and politicians have to eat money and get votes. The most interesting point one of my friend came up with was, why are France and Germany like friends or something when Germany practically fucked up all of Europe in world war 2. At least that was what my history book said. Rather with Pakistan all that we had was stupid partition and fighting for a land, without which we are surviving in a pretty decent way for past almost 60 years. Someday somebody will have to take a high road. Or two friends will have to become dictators in both the nations and ease out the unresolved issues. 

Nobody is gonna come in plate and serve you peace, if somebody can fill this in our politician's heads we can be really lucky. 

Saturday, December 10, 2011

For its you...

i saw u smile,
left me thinking,
is it why i love u,
for u haven't felt it.

i loved the feeling,
for it was new,
like the first time,
when i was nine.

i wasn't the reason,
with a hope in my heart,
i knew i will be,
for that smile some day.

some day when it will rain,
some day with no pain,
some day when i would wake up,
seeing you open your eyes next to me.

There are questions unanswered,
breaths unfelt,
there are moments i'll miss u,
and then those when i'll want u.

i might not wait for the smile,
coz it has taken quite a while,
i will not love another,
for i am your admirer.

i have waited enough,
i have ran enough,
but now i am gonna smile,
even run for u over a mile.

i love the stars, and the sky,
for they would never make me cry,
still I love being in love,
for its you who i love.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The Drunk Post

So guys this is my first post when i am drunk. This post comes after one bottle of Jack Daniels and some vodka with rabbi - tere bin playing in the background. With the situation you can imagine what a guy can write about. Either it has to be about love or about lost love. I might throw in a few background lyrics in the text.

For me this post is about how i felt for a person a few years ago and how i feel right now for a person. Now both of them are pretty different  people but  my feeling is apparently the same. I don't know why and how i am getting these feelings all over again but may be because i am thinking too much or i am feeling  that love again. 

tere bin hor na kise  
karni dhup vich chhan
jiven rukia si tun zara nahion bhulna
main sari umar jiven akhia si akhan chura 
"rovenga sanu yad kar" 

For all the people who know me recently only know that i am some "tharki"  you can fool around with anytime. But that was never me. 6 years ago when i got into an engineering college i had one thing in mind i would never go for multiple partners. I stringently believed in shah rukh khan's words "pyaar ek baar hi hota" (you fall in love only once in your life). So like every other guy i did fell in love. Like the most purest form of love i could ever do in my life. I was the one women man kind of a guy. I respected every single girl around. But like my love story started in a bollywood style also ended in a bollywood style with me breaking up for some reasons after almost a 4 year relationship.

Its now that i miss those days. Now that i miss that one woman man in me. I don't know why i feel this way, something inside me changed, nothing else feels the same. Day and night i am concealing the same pain, that is what going in my mind all the time. Its a funny scenario when you feel some pain almost 3 years after you break up with a person. But its somehow happening. I might have never published these words if it weren't for JD giving me the courage to do it.

milia si ajj mainu tera ik patra 
likhia si jis 'te tun shayr varey shah da
park ke si osnu hanjnu ik duliya
akhan 'ch band si  seh raaz ajj khulia 

Now the way i feel for a person right now. That is a dilemma because i met her a few months ago and i feel something. Strange for me but that is what is boggling my mind for almost 3 days now. Even a date with that person couldn't actually tarnish my past feelings. Somehow i feel them rejuvenated. It feels as if this girl just pull those feelings out of me but couldn't separate them from the girl i left years ago. 

Phew confused, in love and drunk are three states you should never write a post in but i am taking this risk to publish it because at this time of the hour i actually couldn't share it with anybody so why not share it with everybody. 

I thought you left me with pain, 
but there was air, 
i thought you left me with bruises, 
which still has some flare. 

I thought you left me with hatred, 
for i was not worth, 
i thought you left me with smile, 
for it was all but death.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

The "AAA" rated youth

What seems to be a pretty intellectual title came from the two most intellectual people (Me and Priya) having this discussion over a cup of tea early morning. It was a breezy, sunny.. whatever confusing weather morning here. While we sat with the motive of refreshing ourselves with a cup of tea, our thoughts started discussing one of the most controversial topics on my blog. This blog post is not directed towards anybody in particular. Any correlation with any person is co-incidental and good for you to read the rest of it.

Now what does the "AAA" rated youth means? It stands for "Acceptance, Approval, Attention". These are the three behavioral virtues around which our world revolves these days. You might agree to this and you might not agree to it either. If you do that means you have accepted yourself the way you are and if you don't that's a clear indicator of how "AAA" rated you are.

So the first 'A' stands for Acceptance. Everybody in and around you is looking for acceptance from some or the other person in his/her life. The self confidence, self acceptance levels has stooped to such lows that now we look out for acceptance by others. We think twice before taking any action just because we need to make sure that it will be accepted by the people around you. If Steve Jobs would have thought about acceptance before dropping out of university we wouldn't have been owning those uber cool Mcbooks or iPhones etc. 

The second 'A' stands for Approval. That's just another way of getting yourself accepted by the society, friends, classmates etc. For every action we take we look out for second person approval instead of self approval. In everything we do need to make sure its approved by our friends, family, couple etc. Why? Have we lost our capability to take decisions for ourselves?

Last but not the least, rather for me the most important one "Attention". Now this can be really controversial to write on but what the hell its my blog. :P The attention seeking is like really prevalent these days. For every action we do we want the people to take attention of it, approve it and accept it. Has we turned hollow?

I am pretty sure my grandfather never waited for anybody's approval to do what he did in his life. My grandfather left his family for he wanted to be a scientist and ended up F.A.O. If he would have craved for the three A's am pretty sure I would have been living in some shitty lane in old city Jodhpur aspiring of a just for scooter or a bike till 25 and so on and so forth.  

There is still time we can rethink, we can revise and we can reboot our systems to be what we want to be, to do what we want to do. As Sri Sri says "Don't be a football of other people's opinion".