The tragedy of choices

You know what hurts the most in the world? What is that can shatter you in the worst possible form? When you have to make a choice between love and religion. Before i continue to express my thoughts i would just like to make it clear to everybody that "Its a personal opinion and I don't intend to hurt or offend any religion or religious values, sentiments and virtues of  anyone". 


So where was I? Yes! the tragedy of choices. You know how it feels when you are in love with a person and he/she has to be set free not because of some other person, rather because you two are not from the same castes. I have seen things like these happening in India, with quite a lot of my friends but could never believe it can strike me some day. So where and how did it strike me, isn't to be shared now, may be some day later.


Why is it a choice anyways? Its not like choosing between a coke and a pepsi. I started discussing this issue with a lot of my friends and they came up with really interesting arguments like "You religion is your identity" (i chuckled.. seriously??) "What will your parents think" (That is something to worry about) "Your religion forms your values" (So u mean its the way you pray decide what kind of a person are you in your life !! BULLSHIT)


"You religion is your identity"!! How exactly? Do we know Newton, Einstein, Dhirubhai Ambani, Laksmi Mittal, Warren Buffet by their religion? Or by the things they did in their lives?  So people i think its about time you should start loving a person and not his religion. I know a lot of things come into play here. Society, honor, culture: but nobody cares at the end of the day. You would die with a regret that you couldn't live with a person you loved because he just had a different way of praying.


I love the girl and i am ready to take a step against the society to be with her because society is a bitch, it will prick you whether you do something or you don't. So why not do and be happy rather than not do and regret later. I did not chose to be a Hindu, i was just born in a Hindu family. Its not that I had a choice over there, and even if I did, how does it matter here.


I believe in God and I believe in Love... Something that I don't believe in is the superficial idea it.. 

An apology u deserve...

This comes for the girl i love.. An apology you deserve.. For the pain i deserve..

my love is pure

and so are my feelings..

i am sorry 

and i will never do

because i love you

i will never hurt you.

i asked for a smile

and I met you.

i asked for love

and I got you.

I know its a mistake

but my love is strong,

and it cant be more true.

your smile is my way,

your love is my life,

my heart rests with you

and that is what i like.

it for you to chose,

between a thousand smiles 

or a few words,

i mean those smiles 

but never those words.

i can't say sorry

for you deserve more.

i can't say 'i love you'

for you know its true.

i have never loved more,

i have never surrendered more,

my love for you is a prayer

and i can't worship it more.

words is all i have

to tell you what i feel

time is what i am short of

to tell you how much u mean

i know i deserve the pain

i know i deserve the anger

but your silence kills me more

and the distance is a murderer.

life is too short

for me to feel the pain

even if it takes my blood

i will shed it without vain.

you deserve the love,

you deserve the care,

i am sorry for causing

every single minute of pain.

i want the world to know

the tale of my love

i want the world to know

the story of its vain.

i will still be standing

next to you when u want

i will still be breathing

for you when you ask.

your smile is the elixir

i will be living for

your love is the breathe

i will be breathing for.

P.S.:- "I love you... I am sorry"

Reason for my words..

I write these words,

 for u to smile,

For me to think,

Love is alive.

I write these words,

For world to know,

I love ur eyes,

From the time I saw.

I write these words,

For u to perceive,

Words are all I have,

To show what I feel.

I write these words,

For when I hug u,

Life shouts loud,

“Pyaar mein hai pagle tu”

I write these words,

While I waited,

It didn’t felt long,

Coz it was for you.

I write these words,

Coz he was there,

I was torn,

But still stayed.

I write these words,

From the fathom of my feelings,

That I stood there,

Just....For a smile on your face.

I don't know why...

For she was there,

and i could feel,

she looked at him,

and i couldn't sleep.

Her fragrance filled,

the air around me,

her beauty mesmerized,

the dreams that I see.

Her love was true,

but it wasn't for me,

my eyes were glued,

for she was a 'Pari'.

I waited for that day,

when she would come,

and with a smile say,

you are the one.

Her hugs felt warmth,

Her kiss gave life,

but still after that,

i don't know why... i couldn't sleep tight.

The Painful Partition

Everybody must have read about India - Pakistan partition in 1947. It was one of the most painful events in our history. But just to make it clear it was equally painful for the people across the border. Now this post is not gonna be a history revision. It will be based on my discussions with one of the best people I met in EM LYON, and yes they are from Pakistan.

So it all started in second or third of September. I entered my lecture theater, after almost 2 years. You know how it feels to enter a classroom with a pen and register in your hand like a student after almost 2 years of finishing up with your graduation. So coming back to the topic I like always spotted a few Indians and chose the last row to sit. Soon after the class started, while I was busy on facebook, irrespective of it being a Macroeconomics class, I  saw two guys who looked Indian constantly raising hands for doubts. Seemed pretty nerds to me in the first impression. I ignored thinking I am not a nerd so why care. Probably that was the  mistake I did which i realized last night. 

After almost 2 or 3 weeks I decide to at least see and greet them, thinking what if they might be from somewhere close in Indian. And when I went and asked "Hi, this is Anuj, you from India?", to my utter surprise they replied "Hi, Zeeshan here, I am from Pakistan". All my former judgments immediately got erased from my mind. For they came from a country with which we have a had very sensitive relationship. Weeks came and went those "Hi's and byes " turned frequent and started to find these people really interesting. 

Fast forwarding 2 months from then, when i invited them for my birthday, to my surprise they were there to share the joy, like we do it with our family in India. That's where the actual bonding started for me. Come on, you know how important my birthday is for me. Now just one night, before they were about to leave, which is today, they invited us for one last dinner (in EM LYON). What was supposed to be a quick meet for us with them turned into my life's most amazing discussions I could ever have!

The topic actually started by me raising a question "How does Pakistanis feel when there is an India - Pakistan cricket match?". And I was expecting an answer like "We go crazy and all". But to my surprise except for the world cup there is no such rival feeling in them as quite a lot of us possess in India. For us cricket is life, but why bring political differences into a game. From there on when we started sharing our experiences of day to day life, life seemed no different on that side of the border. Its the same people who think like we do, live like we do, then why the difference?

I know it might seem a non patriotic post for a lot of people, but its my space so I really don't give a damn to what you think. Coming back to the topic of discussion, we actually realized how people in Pakistan are craving for peace as we are. By the end of discussion, which lasted almost over 2 hours, we realized how much love and affection everyone around is filled with. The only thing that is making things worse is media and the corrupt politicians. 

The media has to show something interesting to gain viewership and politicians have to eat money and get votes. The most interesting point one of my friend came up with was, why are France and Germany like friends or something when Germany practically fucked up all of Europe in world war 2. At least that was what my history book said. Rather with Pakistan all that we had was stupid partition and fighting for a land, without which we are surviving in a pretty decent way for past almost 60 years. Someday somebody will have to take a high road. Or two friends will have to become dictators in both the nations and ease out the unresolved issues. 

Nobody is gonna come in plate and serve you peace, if somebody can fill this in our politician's heads we can be really lucky. 

For its you...

i saw u smile,

left me thinking,
is it why i love u,
for u haven't felt it.


i loved the feeling,
for it was new,
like the first time,
when i was nine.


i wasn't the reason,
with a hope in my heart,
i knew i will be,
for that smile some day.


some day when it will rain,
some day with no pain,
some day when i would wake up,
seeing you open your eyes next to me.


There are questions unanswered,
breaths unfelt,
there are moments i'll miss u,
and then those when i'll want u.


i might not wait for the smile,
coz it has taken quite a while,
i will not love another,
for i am your admirer.


i have waited enough,
i have ran enough,
but now i am gonna smile,
even run for u over a mile.


i love the stars, and the sky,
for they would never make me cry,
still I love being in love,
for its you who i love.

The Drunk Post

So guys this is my first post when i am drunk. This post comes after one bottle of Jack Daniels and some vodka with rabbi - tere bin playing in the background. With the situation you can imagine what a guy can write about. Either it has to be about love or about lost love. I might throw in a few background lyrics in the text.

For me this post is about how i felt for a person a few years ago and how i feel right now for a person. Now both of them are pretty different  people but  my feeling is apparently the same. I don't know why and how i am getting these feelings all over again but may be because i am thinking too much or i am feeling  that love again. 

tere bin hor na kise  

karni dhup vich chhan

jiven rukia si tun zara nahion bhulna

main sari umar jiven akhia si akhan chura 

"rovenga sanu yad kar" 

For all the people who know me recently only know that i am some "tharki"  you can fool around with anytime. But that was never me. 6 years ago when i got into an engineering college i had one thing in mind i would never go for multiple partners. I stringently believed in shah rukh khan's words "pyaar ek baar hi hota" (you fall in love only once in your life). So like every other guy i did fell in love. Like the most purest form of love i could ever do in my life. I was the one women man kind of a guy. I respected every single girl around. But like my love story started in a bollywood style also ended in a bollywood style with me breaking up for some reasons after almost a 4 year relationship.

Its now that i miss those days. Now that i miss that one woman man in me. I don't know why i feel this way, something inside me changed, nothing else feels the same. Day and night i am concealing the same pain, that is what going in my mind all the time. Its a funny scenario when you feel some pain almost 3 years after you break up with a person. But its somehow happening. I might have never published these words if it weren't for JD giving me the courage to do it.

milia si ajj mainu tera ik patra 

likhia si jis 'te tun shayr varey shah da

park ke si osnu hanjnu ik duliya

akhan 'ch band si  seh raaz ajj khulia 

Now the way i feel for a person right now. That is a dilemma because i met her a few months ago and i feel something. Strange for me but that is what is boggling my mind for almost 3 days now. Even a date with that person couldn't actually tarnish my past feelings. Somehow i feel them rejuvenated. It feels as if this girl just pull those feelings out of me but couldn't separate them from the girl i left years ago. 

Phew confused, in love and drunk are three states you should never write a post in but i am taking this risk to publish it because at this time of the hour i actually couldn't share it with anybody so why not share it with everybody. 

I thought you left me with pain, 

but there was air, 

i thought you left me with bruises, 

which still has some flare. 

I thought you left me with hatred, 

for i was not worth, 

i thought you left me with smile, 

for it was all but death.